I am afraid of a lot of things. However, unlike many people, I do not fear change. I welcome it. My fear is staying the same. Never growing or learning. I fear failure, not because I am afraid of getting laughed at or worry about what others think, I fear failure because I beat myself up over it. Badly. I’m working on that.
Does this sound like any of you? I bet parts of it do. So here……
I fear the CrossFit Opens. Every year. Every workout. I hate the nervousness I get before each one because I am so afraid that I will not perform to my expectations. I am afraid that people will also have high standards for me and I will let them down. It is the one place (funny enough) that I do care what people think. I care because I am supposed to lead. So if I fail, then do I become less of an example for the athletes in our box?
I have had a turning point somewhere in the last year that CrossFit is a personal journey. I know, it only took me the 9 years that I have been doing it to realize this but I’m there. CrossFit is not brain surgery, it is not a life threatening course of action and it is not a test of who I am as an individual or on my character. It is supposed to be fun. CrossFit changes lives for the better both in health and in spirit. I have watched people grow, learn and thrive in and out of the box. At the end of the day, CrossFit is not about what you can prove to others, it is about what you can prove to yourself.
So going back to my first paragraph, if I don’t test myself and push a little harder, then what am I doing all this work for? What am I gaining and what am I learning? I need to change to grow and to do that, I need to step away from comfortable. I have a love/hate relationship with competition but at the end of the day, I am a competitor. The only person I really need to compete with is myself.
I have signed up for the opens this year and I plan on doing it my way. There will be weeks that the workout is in my wheelhouse and I crush it and there will be weeks that there are movements that I am not strong at and I don’t! But it’s ok. I am doing this for me. I am going in knowing my strengths and hating my weaknesses but coming out a better person because I gave it a shot. This year, I will be proud of my performances, even the bad ones because I am still on the floor, in the arena and doing things that I didn’t do 9 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago.
Join me. Let’s bring back the competitor in you, let’s bring back the camaraderie of the Open’s and let’s bring back the spirit in our box!